March 25, 2004

Guilt trip

Wow...this could be me...except that I have yet to read any Gibson...much to G's chagrin. Don't get me wrong...I want to long pause, I just haven't gotten a round tuit.

Today was just sort of a weird, up-down-all-around sort of day. I started off grouchy because it was all dreary and wet, which meant that any plan to go for a jog went out the window (I'm a beginner...which means you'll never catch me in some sort of thermal spandex suit, running in all sorts of weather as though to mock all of the bloated carcasses commuting solo in their automobiles). then, upon arriving at work (on time I might add...despite our stupid clock behind the counter that gets faster by the second) it changed to guilt. I mentioned my job interview here...of course, I have yet to mention to my boss that I am job hunting. Mostly because I do not yet know where said hunt is going to take me, secondly, because I want to have said new job before I put in any sort of notice.

Anyhoo, I felt guilty because we were discussing new summer products and merchandising...and this little voice in my head reminded me that my boss has no idea I want the hizzell out. Shortly after, I felt all warm and happy as this little girl's mom bought her a fairy troll and she didn't even want it in a bag...she just wanted to clutch it in her wee hands, her smile so wide her face was in danger of splitting in two.

Then I remembered what a shit-piss-fucking mother-scratching job I really have. See, I am stuck in ye-olde-shoppe all alone, all day. I can't just run out for lunch, or to the store, or go for a walk around the block...nothing. This is only infuriating to me, becasue everyone else, who is in the attached office (including my boss) can do whatever they please. Including leaving in the middle of the day (granted to see her husband who just had surgery) with no return time...thus leaving me to unpack all of our deliveries, by myself. This put me behind for closing...so really, I was in no mood for her to stroll back in and complain about how she was leaving work late today. I was further ticked, because a lunch group came in today. These things are catered, and we get to eat leftovers from the event. Well, fortunately, the tour guide came over to let me know there was food, and offered to watch the counter (see, we baristas are usually overlooked. Apparently we don't need to eat or something, which is why I have yet to get an actual lunch break at work). Unfortunately, they were about to put the food in the trash, so I got salad, green beans (which were soggy and not-hot anymore), and some mashed potatoes...and no main dish. This wouldn't have been a big deal, if when my boss came over, she wouldn't have thrown away and entire plate of food, including entree, into the trash. Then, when one of the owners came over to see why I was there so late, I had to remind myself to control the fist of death, seeing as he is the father of my boss. Grrrrr...

In the grand scheme of things, I should just be happy to have a job...however, it frustrates me that I am expected to do the crap work for these people, while they shit on me. Today reminded of how many times I have been screwed by these people...from behind...without lube...and while they get off like happy little bunnies...I am left with rectal bleeding.

Why no, I don't work at Wal-mart...why do you ask?

Of course tomorrow I am sure I will feel all guilty again. I just need to kick ass at Saturday's interview, get the job, and get up the courage to give my notice. Thanks for bearing with me.

Posted by raven at March 25, 2004 05:47 PM
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