July 19, 2004

Spank me

I'm kidding. No, really, if you want to...

So, a few days ago at the not-so-new-anymore job, I noticed a woman shopping with a little boy. Well, at least I am guessing he was a boy. He had some apparent developmental issues, as well as some physical ones. He looked like an adult, shrunken down, but like something went wrong in the shrinking process. They came back two days ago, and were asking me when the catalogs would be available. I remembered the women, because they were with the boy. Now, I never thought anything derogatory about the boy, but I noticed him, remembered him, and my heart knotted up a little when I saw him. I wondered what his life was like, and what his family's life was like. Then, I felt like a really bad person for actually thinking about it. There's this part of me that feels like I should be able to look at people as just people. then there's this part that figures we should acknowedge our diversity.

Today, two women came to me to ask about the location of a frame for some prints. It just happened that the woman carrying the prints was a little person, er at least I think that is the PC way of phrasing it...if it isn't please for the love of all that is good correct me. I know that she is a fully grown, fully capable person. Yet, there was that part of me that couldn't help but thinking she was adorable. Then I mentally chided myself, as she was an adult. At the same time, I don't know her, I don't know what her perceptions are, or how she feels about others' perceptions of her. Maybe she is offended that some may find her adorable, maybe she works it....I guess I don't know. Of course, I treated her just like everyone else that I come in contact with, polite and friendly, I had no reason to do otherwise.

Conversely,there are people who are exceptionally hip, or beautiful, that illicit a similar response, in that I can't help but look a little longer, or think a little more. However, if you say to someone, "Hey, that is one kickass ensemble, " it's usually cool. In other cases, where are the lines? What is "acceptable" behavior? Should one think about these things? I guess I can't see it being appropriate to aske every person what their deal is, at the same time, what should be acknowledged? Are there things that shouldn't?

I guess that in my quest to be a better human being, I wonder what is the "right," for lack of a better word, path? While I feel there are normal responses, there is also this ability to reason that we humans have that seems to throw a wrench in the whole thing. I mean, just because something is natural, doesn't necessarily make it okay.

There I go thinking way too much about things. I can't jsut accept things. I have to go tinkering and poking until I find whatever truth is behind it. Until I find the why. Until I fix it, for whatever that's worth. In the meatime, I feel like a not-so-good person, whilst rolling some of those things around in my head.

Posted by raven at July 19, 2004 11:50 PM

I went tinkering for a little truth and it turns out that it was a misleading subject line...Spank me indeed!

You shouldn't feel like a not-so-good person. At least you can acknowledge your own behaviour. We tend to hold ourselves under intense scrutiny- which isn't a bad thing so long as you don't lose focus on the world around you. Just be you. Oooooo P, how Zen of me.

What did that T-Shirt say? You are a wonderul and unique person. Just like everyone else.

Posted by: P at July 20, 2004 02:57 PM
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