March 14, 2006

blue...

ugh...feeling blue today. There's a reason, but it's not really a good one.

The good...I got a promotion at work. It went into effect on Sunday, and I now make almost $2.50 more an hour. I will keep my part time job for a while, and hope that between all that, it will halp us get caught up, financially. We need to pay off our debt, save up considerably more, and fix up our condo to sell it. I think the extra moola should help. On the bright side, I've already been pretty much doing the job I just got promoted to, so it's more money for the same responsibility.

I auditioned at Unifieds on Saturday. Basically a bunch of theatres come, and you audition for them all at once. I learned a lot from the experience. I did okay. I was contacted by a theatre already, I just have to get someone to trade shifts with me so I can go to their callback. I got some good feedback from one of the directors there. Not great, but above average. Overall, for my first time out I am pleased.

My show opens next Friday. I have been having a blast with this character. I am just a little nervous about costumes. I need them to work out some of my blocking...and I've barely tried on some of my costume pieces. Since I have a whole scene where I'm changing onstage, I would like to be comfortable with it. The show is still a bit wobbly, but I think we will get it evened out by next Friday. Last night we couldn't get in to any of our normal rehearsal spaces, so we rehearsed at the Green Mill, it was pretty hilarious. A massive table full of loud women...I'm sure the other patrons were delighted. I decided to host an opening night cast party...so I need to get the house in shape by then...EEK!

The bad...maybe if I just vent it, I will feel better....

so I've become really good friends with this guy I met doing a show last summer. We've been through some drama since we've met, but have been able to work through it. Well, he got a girlfriend late last fall. I will spare the details of their dynamic. He had a small get-together in January, sort of a kick off to the new year, post NYD. He and I were being our usual goofy selves, and we wound up wrestling. Like a brother and sister would wrestle. It started because I'm always telling him I could kick his ass. Anyhow, she spent the party pouting on the sofa. So, he sat with her the rest of the night. Apparently, the next day, she told him that she didn't want us to wrestle anymore. Not a big deal...although I didn't think pouting without saying anything in the first place was the best way to handle it. Anyhow, because of that, I felt like she didn't like me. He assured me that she did. Our friends were assuring me that she just needed to get to know me. Okay. At a friend's birthday party, I was talking to someone, and she came up and asked how I was doing. I answered, and continued the conversation I was in the middle of. I was rude, apparently. I guess I should have ceased my current conversation and started a new one. G and I went to a (really, really awful) play with them. My friend had to leave early (the show ran a good hour over what it should have) to go to work. After the show, G and I left our seats to get out of the way of the exiting patrons. We were standing right outside the door of the theatre waiting for her to talk to her. She blew right past us. Yet again, we were the ones who were rude for not staying in our seats. She was behind me so I had no way of knowing that she was behind us or staying. We were watching for her, and she blew past. So, I was going to give up. However, my friend told me that she thought I was the one being rude and that I obviously didn't like her. So, I got some info about her from a mutual friend. I decided at the next party we were at I would strike up a conversation with her, as to not be rude, and to show her that indeed, I thought she was okay. Well, due to the dynamics of the party, I didn't get to talk to her. When G and I left, I said, well, I guess I blew that. I wonder how bitchy I cam across this time. I get an e-mail from my friend the next day about how wonderfully she and I were getting along, and how pleased he was. I was like WTF? It wasn't any different than any other time I've seen her.
*sigh*
So, Recently, it was his birthday, and he was having a party. Things started out reasonably. When he was opening his cards and presents, she read ours, and shot me a dirty look. Fine, whatever However, at one point, I was messing with him, in a totally joking manner, and she yells STOP IT! Ummm...I didn't think I was doing anything, and I don't think you need to yell...however, I just backed the hell away. Later, I was sitting on the couch curled up next to him, with Geoff on the floor in front of me. G was cool. He know we are friends. He knows I am affectionate. I heard her say curtly, "what are you doing?" I was like...ummm..nothing. I guess she also said that she wanted us to stop, we were bothering her. I didn't hear this because she was several feet away, on my bad side. However, he didn't do a thing, and he did hear her. So, she starts "cleaning." This involves a lot fo stomping around, slamming objects down, and slamming doors. I was like, WTF? It was all very passive agressive to me, which I have ZERO tolerance for. Just say what your problem is, and we'll work it out. I am not a freaking mind reader. Well, she's out on the patio, and G goes out to have a smokey treat (we do this every now and then, if we are drinking). She's out there. He notices it's sleeting, and says, "oh, it's still icky out." She says, "what are they doing in there??" He replies that he doesn't know, so she goes storming back in. I prceed to get upset. I go out on the patio, we come back in, and decide to leave. She is still Stompy McStomperson. I get pissed, and decide it would be best for me to leave as quickly as posssible. As I am leaving, I say to her to get over her insecurities and not take them out on me. Catty? Yes. But, seriously, I am sick of the drama. So, I try to get perspective from mutual friends. The play devil's advocate. They give me perspective from her side. I e-mail my friend to apologize for the way I left. He goes off on me. Basically insinuating that all of the events of the night are all my fault. That how was she supposed to react to a more attractive girl curled up on the couch with her boyfriend. He goes on to say that G was disgusted with our behavior. That she sai G was obviously disgusted when he came out onto the balcony. He says that I should understand his girlfriend, because I've dealt with my own weight issues.

First of all, G and I discussed the events, at length. He was not bothered, and I know for a fact that if he was, he would tell me. been there, done that, got over it. G knows I am coming home with him, and that we are together forever. No one but he has the right to tell anyone how he feels. Second of all, it is not up to me to allay her relationship insecurities. He is the one that needs to show her that he is committed to her. That he finds her attractive. Third, yes, I have had (and have) weight issues. Just because I am insecure about that, does not give me the right to take those issues out on anyone else. They are not anyone's fault but my own. For me to get pissy with someone for the who they are, because I wasn't happy with myself, is a crock of shit. Finally, if I have a problem with someone, and it's worth it to me, I will pull them aside and work through it.

So, we had a face to face conversation a week ago (three days after the party). It turns out that she thought we were making out on the sofa. She thought this because we were talking quietly. She was pissed over something that didn't even happen. I told him that I was done with trying to be her friend. If she would have at any point talked to me during that evening, she would have found out the truth. Instead, she was determined to believe whatever she wanted to believe, and be the drama queen. She outright lied about G's behavior on the balcony. If it was the first weird thing that happened between us, fine. But it wasn't. And, I am not about to change who I am for anyone, much less someone who is peripheral in my life. He and I talked, and things were okay (or so he said) between he and I. He needed to talk to his girlfriend more. I told him I was sorry that things didn't work out between she and I the way he had hoped.

Well, it's been a week. the only communication I have received, was him wishing me luck on my audition, and saying htat he still needed to think about things. If he is going to be pissed, or not talk to me, that's fine. But dude, jsut say, hey..I don't want to be your friend anymore, or whatever, and I can at least get over it, instead of wondering WTF is going on. Is that too much to ask? If I e-mail him, I don't know if he will feel all pressured and freak out on me (which he has been very good at in the past).

So, there it is. All this over a friend. Oh well, hopefully my retail therapy with G tonight will make it all go away :)

Posted by raven at March 14, 2006 11:13 AM
Comments

Ugh.

I HATE Drama. Thankfully the theatrical circle up here is so staggeringly, overwhelmingly vast that I've managed to avoid most of that. Maybe if I get cast in something that'll change. *grin* Sometimes I think men and women can't win being friends because of people putting outside suppositions on it all the damn time. Sheesh.

Posted by: Leanna at March 20, 2006 12:06 PM
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