March 22, 2007

let me dirty up your mind

So, late last night (or early this morning, if you prefer) as I was making my way home, I began to think about blogs. Now, I try to be pretty open on this here blog. However, I still have some reservations about what I put here. I kind of wish I could just go balls-out and write whatever I'm thinking/feeling/doing, devil-may-care style. There was a blog awhile back, and the title is lost somewhere in my peabrain at the moment. Anyhow, I read said blog only a couple of times before it disappeared into the ether. This blog was also discussed in Chuck Olsen's Blogumentary. It was theoretically written by a local young woman who drove a new Beetle, and hit all the cool rock shows in town, and was unabashedly open in her blog. It garnered quite a following because of the raw honesty. She really let the reader into her life. Of course, it turned out that the blog was really written by a middle aged man. It wasn't really a life on display, hence the intensity.

Anyhow, I wish I could do that for real. Just say everything, and let the cards fall where they may. Yet, there's this tiny part of me that actually cares what people think. This causes me to post less, as I censor myself. If I wrote about my feelings every day, for instance, would this cause my mother to worry and call me every day? If I said what was really on my mind about some of the people I come across in my day to day life, how upset would some of the people I actually care about who have these people in their lives be? Should anyone know about some of the weird and possibly disturbing habits or thoughts I have? Would they want to?

In this day and age of premanufactured blogs, like mySpace or Livejournal, I realize that things are different. People can easily censor what people read by posting them such that they are viewable by only some of their friends, or only their family, or so that everyone but their neighbor's dog walker can read them. This is fine, and I don't judge anyone for making that choice. However, I do feel like it's a cop out. If I am going to go through the trouble of putting something on the internet, it is going to be on the internet. That is sort of the point. Otherwise, I would send an e-mail or a holiday letter or text or phone call. (Okay, anyone who knows me, knows I wouldn't actually use the telephone, but it's an example of what a normal person who isn't me would do.)

I guess all this was weighing on my mind because I had a million strange thoughts going through my head in the wee hours. My OCD was going a little crazy, I was exhausted, and frustrated with some things. I debated if I should just come here and unload. Then upon further thought, I decided that may not be the best course of action. So I let it stew. What do you all think? Those of you that read blogs, why do you do it? If you write a blog, what is your level of censorship? Discuss.

Note: MimiSmartypants is someone who is real, and who is pretty open in her blog. She didn't tell her parents about it until her book was being published, so she was still censoring herself to some degree. Anyhow, I would like to be able to be even that open. Much less all the way open.

Posted by raven at March 22, 2007 09:50 PM
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