January 09, 2013

weighed down

I started a post a couple of days ago, and after writing on it, then writing some more, I realized what I wanted to post was really much shorter. I also have a feeling my readers (yes, I have optimistically decided I have readers) want to read something shorter. So, here we are.

This whole situation started when I got an e-mail with and offer to register for a fitness quick-start plan. I looked into it, and it seemed genuinely helpful. I signed up. To do so, you enter in all your pertinent information: user name, e-mail address, password. I entered all the requested information, and hit "next." Yikes. There it asked the hard questions: weight, height, measurements. I felt like I had weighed myself pretty recently, but with the holidays having just passed, I thought I should weigh in again just in case. I went to the bathroom and pulled out the scale. I stood on it, watching the number flash as it calculated. "My eyes must be getting really bad," I thought. The number I was seeing couldn't actually be the number. The result came up. I stepped off, tapped the reset button, and got back on. The same result came up. My eyes aren't getting worse, just my ass is getting bigger. I went back to the sofa, sighed, and entered the sad number.

I've never been "thin." I come from farm stock and hippy women (as in women with large hips, not women who attended Woodstock). I could starve myself to a skeleton, but it would be a skeleton with junk in the trunk. However, in my youth, I could eat terribly and maintain a decent figure. I was active in high school, but didn't participate in sports in college. Still, I did all right for myself. I could drink regular soda, and eat deep fried food, and use half the sugar bowl on my cereal, and maintain my weight. I knew I could do better, that if I really watched what I ate and worked out I could be "thin." But I was fine with my self.

Over the years, I started watching what I ate, reading labels and such. I still just maintained my weight, but felt better about what I ate, and it made it easier to maintain my pocketbook as well. Then, I got put on a prescription. I was told of the side effects, including weight change which could be either gain or loss. Foolish me, I thought the pills might affect my appetite and the gain or loss would just be a result of eating more or less. My appetite and eating stayed the same. I gained about 25 pounds. Later, I found out that it was because the medication affected metabolism. So, my metabolism was permanently altered, and not for the better.

I decided to try the South Beach Diet. Which isn't a diet in the sense of eat this way for a little while and drop the weight fast, more a diet in the sense of this is how you eat correctly, lose weight, and maintain the weight. I learned a lot about what I was putting into my body, reading labels, and avoiding really bad stuff. It worked really well. When I was halfway to my goal, I got a gym membership and between the two I got really buff and hit my goal. When I would start to creep up, I would adjust and keep the weight off. Due to finances, I had to cancel my gym membership, and while I didn't go back to where I started, I crept up a little more than I liked. I also had to give up eating poultry and waterfowl because I can't digest them (I already couldn't eat red meat or pork). We found a more affordable gym. I started actually training. Then, I started running. When I turned 30, I was in the best shape of my life, and even got better from there!

Then, one morning I woke up in agony. My neck hurt so much I couldn't sit up. I rolled over onto the floor, facedown. I managed to get to all fours then stand up. I went into work, getting a chiropractor recommendation from a friend, and having her take me over as soon as they opened. I was able to get more comfortable, but the pain lingered and I developed numbness and tingling. I had to give up almost all working out. I got referred to a neurologist. I got tests and MRIs. I got different meds to try. I tried steroid injections.

I deeply regret those injections. They gave me some relief, but didn't fix the problem. They made me ravenous. All. The. Time. I would eat, and still be starving. Painfully hungry. I started gaining. I tried to pick up working out, but with all the limitations, it wasn't enjoyable anymore. I tried to keep running, but it was hard, because the movement aggravated my neck. I canceled my gym membership because I didn't think it was wise to spend money on something I couldn't use. Finally, I was referred to a physical therapist. He fixed me! However, by this point I was way out of shape, and overweight. My regular doctor told me I needed to lose weight. I needed to exercise. I wanted to, that's for sure.

Then came the exhaustion. Again I tried starting to work out, but I was so tired. As I walked, ran, ellipticalled, I could have easily dozed off. I came home from work, and often fell asleep. I went back to the doctor. So, I have had all the blood tests known to man, and am healthy there. I did a sleep study, and need to go in for a follow up.

Regardless of those results, I need to do something. I'm not at a healthy weight. My low back problems are starting up again, just like they did when I gained before. So, I started that little kick start program. I need to tighten up on my food a bit more, but I am getting there. I started taking the stairs to the apartment at least once a day. Since we live on the 13th floor, that does mean something. Yesterday, I thought I might die on those stairs. Today, less so. Regardless of sleepiness, I need to get back on track. I will not buy any fat clothes (outside of the pair of jeans I got because they frown upon it if you come to work without) and I will not spend so much time lamenting how my back aches. Also, I do not want any larger bras. (They are already beasts. If five pounds of loss is boob weight, bring it.) Which also probably has something to do with my back aching now.

So, there you have it. Yes, that was the condensed version. You're welcome.

Posted by raven at January 9, 2013 05:30 PM
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