Narcoleptic Squirrel

on the lighter side...

Inspired by everyone else's tips for what not to do while you are drunk.

* Do not attempt yoga whilst wearing platform heels, and a large formal dress. Eventually, you will hit a series of twisting lunge poses, and a friend will yell, "look at the ceiling!"
This will cause a majorly injured wrist, which will hurt like a bee-yotch, and you will be mighty confused as to how it can hurt so much when you are so drunk.

* Do wear panties. Cute ones. For when you decide that you are going to try to fling off your skirt whilst crossing Hennipin avenue, this is essential should you succeed.

* Always start with the good stuff. Because after an indeterminable number of drinks, you won't care how good that Marilyn Merlot is.

* Never enter a political discussion. Or, well, any discussion involving things you are passionate about. It will just get ugly.

* If you've already been drinking, and someone is holding a large styrofoam cup and says, "Does anyone want this? I've poured it, and don't want it anymore." find out what's in the cup before you slam it like a shot. It will be chock full of Yukon Jack, and you may or may not be able to stand up anymore.

* Don't wear clothing that is not completely secure (see Hennepin avenue example) as you may pull a Janet Jackson when you take off your coat at the diner post-bar. You will probably offend the people at the table next to you, and they will leave. Or maybe this is a do, because you'll get to sit at their comfy booth, instead of a crappy table.

* Don't get plastered at a cast party. You'll just wind up marrying the guy that has to drive you home.

...everyone i know goes away, in the end...

As I told G via cell phone, whilst driving home from work:
I am in a very Nine Inch Nails mood today.

It could just be my usual depression rearing its ugly head, as it chooses to do every now and again, despite being medicated.

More likely, it could have something to do with having to attend a going away party for a dear friend on Friday. I'm thrilled for her, I truly am. However, it seems like it was only a few days ago that we were driving to the club, and she said quietly from the backseat, that she had been dumped (for the millionth time...by a person totally undeserving of someone so special...at least not until he grows up emotionally) and that she knew that this was really the end of the relationship. I saw it coming miles away, but you can't make anyone see what he or she does not want to see, only wait for the realization, and be there for support. It just doesn't seem that long ago that we were chatting over clove cigarettes and cocktails between must-dance music, and she said that she was moving, she only needed to decide which coast. I know it wasn't very long ago that she was trying to talk me into sending my headshot and resume in to an equity theme restaurant/goth club, because we would have so much fun working there. So, on friday I had one (or three) too many cocktails, and said see ya. Last night, I went out for my usual carousing, which just wasn't the same without inviting her.

The nin mood could also be attributed to the e-mail I received a few short days ago from another dear friend, who is also moving away. The first time she brought it up casually, it sounded like a lark. Then her husband flew out for an interview. However, he didn't accept the offer, and they were staying. Finally he was made a better offer, and within a month, she too, will be gone. This one is even harder for me, as I've known her longer, and due to the time frame, I will maybe see her only once before she leaves, and I don't know when the next time will be after that. Again, I am happy for them, but damn, I will miss her.

I realize that this is part of the universe' message for me.* I know that I haven't been living my dream recently. Not even close. I have a sneaking suspicion that all of my health problems are a part of this message as well. I also know that while this place held something for me once, my reason for being here has been fulfilled. I am merely putting whatever destiny has in store for me on hold, while I let fear keep me from going forward. I keep telling myself that eventually I can take a break from punching the clock, but not right now. All this time i was terrified of failure. I haven't gotten in shape because what if I go through all that work, and it doesn't work. I haven't done any sort of art, because maybe I just don't have any talent after all. I could go on, and on, but it all boils down to the same thing. Failure.

But, I've had it all backwards. I'm not afraid of failing at all. Shit, I've failed at many things in the past, and I certainly bounced back, and worked that much harder to make things happen. The fear that is paralyzing me now is that of succeeding. And I know that the universe has been trying to get me to figure this out for quite some time now. Unfortunately, I'm just a little slow in the head every now and then, and I was trying to block out what the message was. Now, I see why I've made all these choices.

Now the trick is to act on all of this. To take my next step on the journey. However, I think I've railed on long enough for today. Considering how completely exhausted I am right now, and that I am functioning on whatever it is that kicks in when you've run out of adrenaline.

*I realize that these two people would have moved on either way. However, if I would have been paying attention a little sooner, I would have heard this silly little message, and this would have been positive reinforcement for what I'd already figured out.

And darn it all, I had the perfect quote to kick off my halfhazard start to the quote/soundtrack/book/film feature that I've been wanting to get going since this thing started (but, I haven't been able to get it started the way I want to, so I haven't done it at all). However, I can't find the freaking novel. So, that will have to wait. But, i certainly have had a soundtrack today...a compilation, if you will:
"Hurt" Nine Inch Nails; Johnny Cash (if you haven't seen his video for this song, find it and see it, it is amazing)
"You suck" Consolidated
"Pure Morning" Placebo
"We Want Revolution" Covenant
"Cowgirl" Underworld

so i'm all about the silly quizzes today...

Only 50%

You Are 50% Normal (Somewhat Normal)

While some of your behavior is quite normal... Other things you do are downright strange You've got a little of your freak going on But you mostly keep your weirdness to yourself

don't know how i feel about this one...

appropriate...

You Are Best Described By...

Eye By M.C. Escher

hmmmm....

You Are Scary

You even scare scary people sometimes!

oddly true...

100 Years by Five for Fighting

"Every day's a new day... 15 there's still time for you Time to buy and time to choose Hey 15, there's never a wish better than this When you only got 100 years to live" 2004 was about thinking and reflecting - but isn't every year?

whew...that's enough insight for now....

i thought for sure I'd be a sith...

Star Wars Horoscope for Scorpio

You are a powerful character. You tend to be possessive and lusty - which explains your greedy nature. You feel threatened when people try to order you around or control you. You are prone to suspicion and jealousy - but your resilience and passion get you what you want. Star wars character you are most like: Han Solo

trip on the dork side...

yeah, so this is only, like, a week late...but when have I concerned myself with timeliness here?

I was one of those dorks at the 12:01 showing of Revenge of the Sith. It was the best of the new trilogy. The romantic dialogue was still laughable, and there was not enough wookie action...but ya can't have everything.

I can't believe that it has already been six years since Ep 1 was released. G and I weren't really a couple yet. He invited me to the 12:01 showing, he told me there were a bunch of people going...no big deal. However, it felt a lot like he thought we were going on a date. he swears it was totally just as friends, however, apparently the other 10 people we went with thought we were on a date. I guess it all worked out either way. So, to bring everything full circle I wore the same outfit I wore to the ep one showing. G had even remembered what I was wearing. (wasn't a date eh??) Unlike that showing six years ago, we did not hustle over to the Mall of America for a 3:20 showing. So, I've only seen episode 3 once thus far. I have a feeling that unless it comes out in Imax, I won't see it again until the first of the DVD releases. There are just too many great movies coming out this summer that I need to see first.

Anyhoo, good flick, and I got to see it with my sweetie.

Three tomatoes are walking down the street....

Silly me. I've been putting off writing for a while, because I have roughly a million-and-ten entries floating around in my head. Of course, me being me, couldn't write thenew ones, until the old ones were finished, and thus, I am about two months behind.

So, out of sheer laziness, a bulletted list of summaries of what I would have blogged had I gotten off my ass, so that i can continue on in my normal halfhazard fashion.

• February Acouple of days after Valentine's, G had to pick me up early from work as I was having stomach pains that were so bad, I could not stand up straight. Upon seeing how I looked, and knowing my pain tolerance, he took me to the ER. Several hours later, I went home, with a prescription for Vicodin, prilosec, and not knowing what was wrong. Five doctors of varying types later, we think it's an ulcer. I still feel like crap, so a scope will be in order. i will have to get on that.
• March--Right before we left on vacation was Ground Zero's Rubber Ball. Basically a regular Bondage-a-go-go night, with extra fetishy gothiky goodness. Had an absolute blast. Discovered that my antidepressants killed any tolerance to alcohol I once had. After three cocktails, which were spread out over the course of the evening, I was puh-lass-tered. I danced like a fiend, and wound up with about a jillion bruises on my arms and legs from the railings around the podium I was dancing on. got hit on by two hot chicks. Freaked out a goth boy. Also freaked out some people at the diner we hit afterward when I took off my coat and had a Janet jackson incident. Oops.
• March vacation
• April On a day off, I pass out and hit my head on the litter locker. I hit it such that I fold my ear over and severely bruise it, along with messing up my neck, back, and shoulder, and bruising my head. Am told I have a mild concussion. Start taking Iron supplements and pills for my adrenal glands. Still get periodic dizzy spells.
• April G gets some sort of stomach bug. Long story short, he is in the hospital for a week. First, for DKA, then because they discovered he tore a hole in his esophagus due to such violent vomitting. I'll spare the details, but it was scary for me, and luckily he is okay, though ten pounds lighter. I think the pounds have found their way to my thighs. They need to find their way back to him. Due to said hospital visit, our trip to Cali was canceled.
• We are officially addicted to Movieoke. We have become regulars. We had to take some time off due to illness, but we are back now. We are working on some new scenes, so that we don't suck. i have been enjoying the free beer, even though my ulcer (or whatever it is) doesn't seem to enjoy it the way I do. Ssshhhh...don't tell my doctor. Since not drinking wasn't working, I figure screw it for the interim.
• May Silver lining--we get to go to Goth Prom. G and I weren't feeling great, and were broke, so it wasn't as much fun as it could have been. However, it was fun to be all dressed up, and to see all the beautiful people. If you look at the goth prom gallery for 2005, you can see me dancing in a few pics.
• We finally have a real grown-up bed. yay!
• We have half of our living/dining room floor done. We were set back a bit by various health issues, but we are back on track. After that, I just need to repair and paint the ceiling, attach new molding, and build our shelving. We will then have a grown up living room. Almost.
• It has been raining for days. And days. It won't freaking stop. I got up early on my day off this week and went out to weed and clean the patio. I got halfway through before it started raining again. Bah.

So, there is the Reader's Digest version of my posts. I think that will get me caught up enough to actually start posting again. Maybe.