July 25, 2006

there i am. there i am. there i am.

Sigh. I realize it's been at least a decade since I posted last, and I've had much to write, I just haven't been up to it. When I've had time, and even been at the computer, I find a way to procrastinate.

Part of it was the whole ending the friendship thing. I still miss the guy. G still loathes the guy for being such an ass to me (the total assitude of the situation has been shielded from the blog, because I prefer it not be a matter of public record, although part of me wants to see how much it would screw up his life if it were a matter of public record...however, I'm trying to remember what a harsh mistress Karma can be). I'm trying to wrap up mourning the loss of something that I never really had. There's a part of me that wants to touch base with him, to see if he's gotten the help he needs, or if he even realizes the horrible, horrible things he's done to so many people. I know in my heart that I would just be disappointed.

In the meantime, I made a trip to my beloved Ground Zero, which was unable to provide its usual magical healing power. I was a little worried about myself, since GZ is usually a magical cure all. Somehow, walking into a Goth club, with the music and the people and the energy is typically enough to wash away whatever ails me. I've had several down jags, but continue to push through.

I finished my show (to try to keep the length of this one manageable, I shall save it for another post, which like that one, will be linked through out the rest of this post, to make it more manageable). It was good, but a lot of work. This was made harder by the drama in my personal life. I regret that I wasn't able to give the performance my full undivided attention, but what can ya do? I still managed to do a fair chunk of research and character work, and pull off what I feel was a darn good performance. I had asked the director at one point what the expectations of us were as far as load in and strike, and was told that there were none. So, we made plans to go to GZ for a friend's birthday (I'll be honest, it was for us too). As it turned out, we did need to strike, but found out the day before. I talked to the director, and he understood. So I got into my gear (which forced me to break my rule of not greeting the audience in my costume, as I didn't think Bloomington was ready for black xes over my nips), and we headed to the club. This time, the magical powers were there. The music was great, all my requests were played, there was fun with friends, and there was post dancing food to be had. (many thanks to the seamster for spotting our freakishly broke asses with some eats). One of my favorite moments was when this guy, who has an inherent coolness that I've always admired, and who once told me i was one of his favorite dancers to watch, leaned over to me during a song transition and said, "We're missing Nine Inch Nails in Chicago right now. We really should've planned better." Just one of those random interactions that further imbeds my love of the Goth club. MissStage's birthday seemed to go well for her. Her friends paid for her to get some action from Mistress Jean. I admire her for getting up there, considering what's stopping me is a pasty ass with some medium curd going on. (Is there such a thing in the cottage cheese family? I know there's small curd, large curd, but neither of those seems to apply.)

My sister arrived in town the next day. She's still here, but not for much longer. I'm trying not to think about them leaving, since I will miss those kids of hers like cah-razy. It seems that every time I see them, they are different people. They were babies, and they are getting too grown up for me. As they grow up, I get older. I don't mind getting older; it's just that I mind the lack of accomplishment in my life that goes with it.

That Monday, after having lunch with G, I finally got my nose pierced! It really doesn't hurt much to have done. It seems to be healing nicely, and the plasma oozing out of it has lessened. Most people seem to like it. The owner of my place of part-time employment freaked when he saw me, and said that his wife would make me wear a clear one when working. I saw her four times throughout that day, and she never said a word. Turns out, she didn't even notice. She said since she didn't notice it, it must be fine. He was left speechless. At my place of full-time employment, it's been getting raves. However, I'm now getting bugged to do crazy hair colors again...so I'm working on that.

The following weekend meant CONvergence. After years of the Seamster bugging us about going, we finally did. G was heading up the LAN room there, which due to lots of people flaking out on him, meant he missed the bulk of the actual convention. Bah.

Our Monday night tradition seems to have been sidelined. Due to a problem with management keeping personal and professional lives separate, the emcee who is the only reason we karaoke on Mondays has been let go. We may give it a try now and then, but it's just not the same. I'm thinking we will have to try to get to Hard Mondays more often...which I already know that the seamster and DJ Nitrogen will be happy about.

We made another GZ attempt the week after CON. It was incredibly hot. Alliecat and I donned new outfits. I was positive she was going to be beating people off with a stick she looked so fantastic. I had to try not to be jealous, since she was wearing a dress purchased for me. It turned out to be seriously mismarked, since I bought it in my usual Lip Service size, and it is tight on her. She is 2-3 sizes smaller than I am. I wore a new outfit, but felt sort of sausagey. I still wound up having multiple compliments paid. There were some friends there, which was nice. The evening ended with us heading out for food...and lots of conversation. Good times. i would have enjoyed it more if I wasn't getting sick to my stomach from the heat. I couldn't dance much at a time, so we spent the bulk of the evening huddled under an AC vent.

This last weekend made up for that. It was a pleasant temperature. I wore a new outfit. One piece picked up for me by G, the other by myself. It was the first time I wore pants there. Rather than a dress, skirt or hot pants, I mean. It was weird. I was at work, thinking it has been eons since we have seen either Raneman or his girl. I was missing them, and realized I should call or e-mail them. We got to GZ, and I turn around and a guy is giving G a huge hug. It was Raneman! They were there, which was awesome...it was so great to see them. We danced like crazy. Great music, great vibe. It also wound up being a cheap night for us. We got there in the nick of time to get in for free with the guest list we were on and I just chugged water all night. It was a fun time.

Friday we checked out Bodyworlds at the Science museum. AMAZING. I spent just over four hours in the exhibit. Definitely worth the price of admission. It was simply fascinating. A lot of it was just plain hard to fathom, and I learned a lot.

Today was a day off. I meant to get a shit ton of stuff done, but that fell to the wayside. I got a headache, and came home to lie on the couch, and wound up snoozing for far longer than intended. Of course, due to ridiculous storms, I wouldn't have been able to do the yard work I was going to anyway. Bah.

And now, I am caught up. Thanks for coming along for the ride. Hopefully, I will be with it enough now to stay caught up.

Posted by raven at 11:45 AM | Comments (0)

i found it on ebay

So, G rocks. Due to his awesome ebay tracking ability combined with the power of PayPal, he has managed to find me some delightful treasures. Most of which I would not be able to afford, and would just have to drool over pictures of.

Most of the things he gets for me are from Lip Service. Recently, he found me a vinyl waist cincher, in deep purple (hurrah to expanding the color of my wardrobe), a color that is no longer available.
.waist cincher in red.jpg
I wore it dancing with a short black slip, black patent boots, a black fishnet dress, and black xes over my nips. I felt pretty hot, and anything that accents my small waist, I love. I felt pretty hot and curvy that night.

Slightly before that, he found me a cami in my favorite candy apple red pvc (I would post a pic, but it is no longer available on the site, in any color). I finally wore it this last weekend with some pants I got on clearance at Hot Topic. They are by Tripp, and are black with red stitching, wide leg, chains, red rubbery accents. very comfy.

Finally, he surprised me with a super hot dress. Usually, he gets things I request, or will run things by me. In this case, he got this for me, because he saw it and thought I would like it. It is a black spaghetti tank dress, with a red spaghetti tank fishnet dress that goes over it. It has detachable sleeves that are also red fishnet, and there are strappies with hooks that adjust the length of the dress. It is pretty wicked cool. I was amped to wear it out and about, but unfortunately chose the hottest weekend of the year. Again, I would post a pic, but it is no longer made by Lip Service.

One of these days, I will actually start taking pictures of me in these things....

Posted by raven at 07:30 AM | Comments (0)

the glass menagerie

So, back before all the drama, I auditioned for and was cast in a production of The Glass Menagerie. Now, being the world's biggest dork, I first re-read the play to be sure I had a good hold of the text. I decided to do a monologue I haven't used in a while, so I broke down and purchased a copy of the play it's from (Journey to the Day), read that, and worked the monologue. I thought it to be appropriate, since the character is a 19 year-old mental patient, and the play is a drama. I also researched dialects, examining the way people in Saint Louis speak, compared to other parts of Missouri and true Southern. Basically, it is midwestern, with a few hints of dialect here and there. I researched the various conditions either mentioned about Laura in the play, and some that I felt possible for her to have. I reasearched Tennessee Williams' life. When it came to the day of the audition I wore a vintage dress (given to me by G's paternal grandmother) and did a pretty darn good monologue, if I do say so myself.

I was cast in the show. What is weird is that the guy I had all the drama with is how I heard about the audition, and followed up on it. He was positive that he was going to be cast, which he wasn't. He held out hope through the readthrough, and was sure it was an oversight...it wasn't. He then proceeded to be jealous of me...again, weird...we weren't even up for the same role or anything. He told me at one point that it just wasn't the type of role he would see me in, since it was different from the other roles he's seen me do. Ummm...hello, why it's called acting.

Anyhow, I'll start with the readthrough. This made me nervous. The woman playing Amanda seemed excellent. The guy playing Tom at that point seemed okay, but I was sure that with work, he would be okay. The guy playing the gentleman caller gave me pause. He couldn't read. Seriously. He would get lost midsentence and would say words that weren't close to what was on the page. However, I decided to trust the director. My first rehearsal with him, he was totally unprepared. He didn't have his lines highlighted, and didn't have anything to take down his blocking and business. He was getting acting notes, but none about the random words he used and mispronounciations. There were so many, I won't even attempt to catalogue them here. When just he and I were running lines, I attempted to correct some of them (against my rule of not giving fellow actors direction, but it came to a point where I realized it wasn't gonna happen). In a few cases, it worked. Now, don't get me wrong, I think the kid has potential, but he needs a lot of training, and someone needs to call him on the reading thing. He's a high school graduate, yet apparently no one checked to make sure he was fully literate. But, that is a tangent for another day. He also needs to learn professionalism. He was the last actor to be off book (he was calling for line the day before final dress, when there was no one on book), and there were times we had to wonder if he was going to be there for performances. EEK! We made it through the run, however. Tom wound up doing pretty well, and I felt like we had some nice brother/sister moments. I adored the woman playing Amanda. She was a delight to work with, and was very professional and talented. I'm hoping to have an opportunity to work with her again.

While I enjoyed doing the show, I was also happy to put it to bed. It was an exhausting process, both because there was a lot to the character, and because there was so much shite going on. I'm proud of my work on the show, but wish I could have been more focused.

Posted by raven at 06:54 AM | Comments (0)